Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Man Cold: You're Not Dying!

I am the only female in a house of six, seven if you count the fish, but he doesn't complain much. That means that every year I have to put up with at least one man-cold.  Nothing on this planet tries my patience more.

"I'm hot!" a moan escapes from a mound on the sofa.
"Well, I'm not a doctor, but two shirts, a sweat suit, a blanket, and, wait, are those shoes on my sofa?!? Anyway, I think you're wearing too many layers." I reply.
"I have the flu."
Deep breath, then, "You do not have the flu we got the shot, remember?"
"I have a fever!"
(I'll take their temperature) "It's 97.6."
"Oh my God, I told you!" they'll shriek.

98.6 is normal, no fever.  I just sigh and leave.  I keep a lot of that Emergen-C on hand, mix it with some water, claim it's the new powerful medicine, "it's a liquid so it works faster," and move on.

I make sure we all get flu shots every year.  All of us.  EVERY year. I can't tell you how many times I have to repeat the following phrases:

"You are not dying."
"You do not have Ebola."
"The CDC does not need to be notified."
"You do not have bubonic plague."
"That's not a rash, you do not have smallpox, it's one tiny mosquito bite." (followed by)
"You do not have West Nile Virus."


As a mom, I have literally suffered through a 104.8 fever with hallucinations of giant dragonflies talking to me.
I was diagnosed with the Spanish flu, that is, after I was well enough to get to the doctor on my own.  I still cooked, did laundry, and any other duties around the house while I was sick.  With the help of that dragonfly, of course!  

Yeah, the same Spanish flu that wiped out 80 million people in 1918. I have no idea how I got that one.  

Point is: I don't have time to get sick, no matter how sick I am, but if one of my guys gets even the sniffles, the world is ending and I better make 20 gallons of homemade soup and a pantry full of Nyquil is required because it lasts for weeks.  

I sure wish I knew how to milk it the way they do, but the one time I actually stayed in bed, the mess that awaited me in the house wasn't worth succumbing to illness again.  

Just how did the peanut butter get on the ceiling fan anyway?  I don't think I want to know.

So like every other mom: I sigh, roll my eyes behind their back, and humor them to the extent my patience allows before kicking them outside so I can clean the mess they've made while suffering from their man-cold...


  1. The next time you get ill, then let them all know it is high contagious, get your friends/family to accommodate everyone, then you'll have a peaceful few days without all the mess they leave behind. See how easy it is. Who wouldn't leave a house with a contagious disease? ha ha ha ha . Just a thought.

    1. I think they HOPE to catch it so they get babied more. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I haven't been sick in years since I started getting my flu shot.

  2. Barbara, This is spot on! I'm also the only female in a house of men. My husband becomes the world's biggest baby when he's sick. You're SO right about us moms continuing to perform our household duties despite fevers of 104...the mess you know awaits you, should you choose to remain in bed, just isn't worth it. Excellent job!

    1. Thanks, my husband had surgery yesterday and it got me to thinking about how much I wanted to go on vacation. Alone.


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