Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween And My Favorite Costumes

I'm so sick of costumes that start with the word "sexy" so here are ten of my favorites that I've seen to make this Halloween fun plus one for the dog.

Cheap and hysterical.  I love this idea, of course I'm aging myself if you don't know who that is...

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem from the Muppets.  Good job and very fun as well as clean humor.

Who doesn't love Beeker?  The Muppets are hot right now thanks to the movie release and a little nostalgia.

This is a funny and not so hard thing to do.  A little Hangover's Zach Galifianakis.

I admit I'm unfamiliar with these characters, but it made me giggle just the same.

If you have enough hair gel and can tease it high enough, Giorgio Tsoukalos is always funny.

I think that's a guy.  Funny and creative, but only appropriate for outdoor parties or you'll knock everything over going to the bathroom.

I don't know where they found the Beetlejuice heads, but that's funny!

This wins my best overall choice for people.  I love how unique and adorable this is!

Cheap to make and AWESOME!  What a fun and unique idea for a family or group of friends.

My absolute favorite pet costume.  Maybe not the best ever created, but I love this one.

BUT, the 2012 winner of best/scariest/funniest costume of the year goes to England's newly famous squirrel, the infamous Tufty Terror!

I just love this guy!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Squirrel Terrorizes Neighborhood In Halloween Prank

(*no animals were harmed in the making of my laughter)

Known as The Tufty Terror, this poor squirrel managed to get his head stuck in a Halloween decoration in Fareham, Hants, England.

As he stumbled around on his hind legs trying to remove the zombie head off of his own he must have made for a scary sight to some onlookers.

I would have wanted to help the little guy, but would have been unable to stand because I would be laughing to hard at the sight of a squirrel zombie.

Another Halloween mishap.  This deer was after the sweets left behind when the handle slipped over her head, she didn't seem to mind by continuing to nibble as she went on her way.

Halloween isn't the only time curiosity gets the better of animals.

This parrot was curious what was inside the washing machine ball that holds the soap.

Perhaps this horse was looking for apples that had fallen from the tree.  After eating all of them on the ground, he was hoping for a hidden cache?

No idea.  Why would a sheep be interested in a plastic chair unless some errant crumbs led her through the side opening ...

So back to squirrels.  They are curious creatures, playful, and like to eat (as well as other animals).  So be careful what you leave out because you might find a new friend in need of assistance.

Ichabod Squirrel

Now this guy:  

Has no excuse for needing the fire department's assistance.  Please be vigilant about what you throw away or you will go viral...

The 52-year-old apparently wedged his head inside the can when he reached inside for something he'd mistakenly thrown away. "We are unsure what he was looking for or what he had lost, and whether he found it," a police spokesman helpfully noted.

Katsaridaphobia: My Own Fear Revealed

National Geographic names the fear of cockroaches Katsaridaphobia. "This fear can be enhanced by multiple factors not the least of which is their quickness and prolific nature."

Blah, blah, blah.

I'm from the Southeast United States where they often grow to the size of city rats.  Think I'm kidding?  Take a trip down.  They fly.  So if seeing one isn't scary enough, they can fly at you if they feel the need to scare the bejeepers out of you.

We had one that lived in our house when I was a teenager that had me sleeping with a baseball bat.  Once he tried to come into my room and I heard a "thump" then the door swung open.  He was too tall, hit the bottom of the door that wasn't completely shut and with a slow squeal that would do most horror films justice, I was standing on the mattress screaming for my daddy.

In college, one was in the shower curtain and I didn't know until I was already wet and soapy, but naked and like my hair was on fire, I ran down the hall screaming for help (and a towel), I wasn't embarrassed, I was scared.

I buy roach motels or roach bait traps the way hoarders buy canned goods for the Apocalypse.  Every cabinet, closet, top of appliances, corners, wherever I can place one without the pets reaching it, has a fresh one.

I also have two very large cats that enjoy eating anything that moves.  I can't watch, but they get lots of spoiling later.

When I lived in Utah, we didn't have roaches (I never wanted to leave), but we did have earwigs.

Let me tell you this:  earwigs, beetles, junebugs, or anything similar is just one evolutionary side-step from a roach and I hate them too.  Not to the point of fear and paralysis, but definitely deserving a shout for my husband to, "HELP!"

In Florida they put a sweet spin on it and call them Palmetto Bugs.  They think this will keep people happier by making them believe they're just a bug that comes from the palms.  No big deal.

Balderdash, I say.  Liars! 

I know a roach when I see one and no cutesy name will make me any less afraid.  I had one fly down a shirt in a public place and without hesitation stripped down to my underwear while waving my arms like a muppet and screaming like a four-year old throwing a tantrum.  No shame. 

Everything in my garage is sealed in a bin with a bait trap on top.  I take no chances.  Once I abandoned my running car in a parking lot because like an idiot I left my windows down and one flew in.  A call to a friend had her at my rescue shortly after with a kitty litter scooper and a can of hair spray (really).  She drove my car home. Then I set off a bug bomb in it. I'm not kidding.  And I love you, Amy.

My husband has come home to find me standing on top of a newly dented washing machine with a broom in one hand and half a warm bottle of white wine in the other.  It was in the corner.  Watching me.  Stupid cats sleeping twenty hours a day!

He's had to come home from work because when we were first dating, I was in an apartment with one door in or out and a roach was on the back of it.  There was no escape and I was hysterically crying.

I threw away a rather expensive fur coat that had a roach on it.  Who knew where it might have laid eggs in all that fur and it was a mighty cold winter in South Dakota.  No regrets.

We received a package once and a roach was sealed up inside.  When it popped out, I went out the door just as fast as it came out of the box.  I wouldn't come back until my husband could produce a dead body and let me tell you, it took him some time to find it and while barefoot in the snow, I felt nothing but my fear.

After the danger is gone, we often laugh about what they had to go through to get it out, like my friend and her weapons, but mostly it's that rush of adrenaline that courses through me once I know I'm safe.  Relief!

**No real photos in this post, I wouldn't be able to search for one...

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Is Our Fear Primal Or Conditioned?

As All Hallow's Eve approaches, "fear" is on my brain.

Not all phobias are because of a learned condition.  Fight-or-Flight response is a biological response that is embedded in our brains from the days when man was killed by bears or saber-toothed tigers, or poisonous animals like snakes or spiders.

I have a fear of roaches.  It's a phobia that will leave me paralyzed.  I once had one run across my hand as I was throwing trash out into a dumpster and while crying and screaming, I was scrubbing my hand with a steel wool brush.  My husband thinks my fear is silly.  That it's something I've learned to be afraid of and that I instigate my own fear to the point of paralysis.

Perhaps, but you should see him near a spider!

I'm not afraid of anything else.  That doesn't mean I will actually pick up a snake, but I'm not exactly going to wet my pants either.  I've held one, they're just gross.

I've photographed most "deadly beasts" of North America for the fun of getting a good picture and some of them have nearly cost me my life, but I'm not afraid. I get an adrenaline rush when I reach safety and giggle like a lunatic while getting lectured by those that stayed in the car.

I like to take pictures.  (that's a baby grizzly, no zoom, mom was about ten yards away, Yellowstone National Park)

I don't get scared during movies, I enjoy them for the entertainment, but I don't sweat, jump, or hide my face.  Probably for two reasons:  I have the knowledge that they are only movies & not real and I've encountered ghosts (spooks, specters, or something I can't explain) in real life and they didn't harm me.

I believe to some extent that fear is purely primal.  I had a cat once, from birth until he was many years old.  He'd never been outside and he'd never been exposed to snakes.  But once I had a rubber snake for a prop and he saw it and instinct took over.  He arched his back, danced around it slowly and even took a couple of swipes until he determined it was safe.

That's natural instinct dormant within us, proven to those that don't believe.

All fears are rooted somewhere.  As Halloween approaches, I see people getting made fun of for their fears and I don't think it's right.  None of us really know why people are afraid of the things they are afraid of and we should respect their fear.  Because deep down, we're all afraid, it's just biology.

Oh, wait.  And sharks.

I won't go in the water because I'm afraid a sharks.  Any water really, unless it's chlorinated, contained, and I can see everything.  But I love the beach and I don't panic when my family swims.  I just know if one in a million get bitten, that's me, so I'm staying on dry land!  But that's conditioned because I've seen Shark Week with that idiot specialist that said sharks won't attack and then they ate his leg on camera.

This photo is real!

Why tempt fate?

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Difference Between Sons And Daughters

All of my friends have daughters.  I have boys.  Four of them.

Sometimes I wish we could have had an adorable little Holly Hobby or Strawberry Shortcake in precious dresses and curls...

Then I talk to my friends.

Their house is quiet.  They call out, "What I are you doing?"  The answer is always, "Nothing."

Here the house is quiet: I call out, "What are you doing?"  The answer I get? "Trying to show (insert one of my monster's names) you can flush a Hot Wheel."  Ahhh, the honesty of boys.

I'm on my third coffee table in as many years. Everything has been broken at least once, to include the antique ginger jar that was in my bathroom that I was saving for a cremation urn for my beloved cat (that passed away).

My friends complain about the clothes, the make-up, the drama.  I complain about the noise, the use of my make-up for their projects even though we have several art kits, and the drama.

Ever step on an errant Lego?  Most painful thing ever!  Left a blood blister so bad I ended up with a hole in my foot.  I've seen one of them use a flower pot as a weapon.

And they like to wrestle.  A Lot.  Girls just leave dolls, clothes, and toys everywhere while squealing.

At my friend's house, the daughter's rooms are picked up and somewhat tidy.  I'm pretty sure there's a dead animal carcass in one of the rooms here, but I can't get the door open all the way to find out.  Once a month I just hand out fresh plug-ins air fresheners.

Their girls cry all the time about boys.  When one of my boys go through a break-up, they shrug and continue playing video games.

Dinner talk is never appropriate and they rarely talk about anything of importance.  Girls are motormouths that know the gossip about every parental couple in our neighborhood.

"How was school?" I ask daily.  "Meh," is the usual reply.

Girls are always watching their figure and never eat anything.  Boys are stick-thin and eat everything in sight.

My husband wanted a daughter.  We have four boys.  After loud screams, crashes, things breaking, and the usual daily mass destruction, occasionally I have shouted one of two things:

"THAT'S why we don't have more kids!" or "THAT'S IT!!  Mommy's going in the other room to take a pill and when I get back (voice deepens) it better be quiet!"

I wouldn't change a thing.  I love my four little angels (of the apocalypse)!  They are so funny in their antics, but I'd never tell them that, I have to retain some power in the house.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

More Stupid People Doing Dumb Things

Hurricane Irene preparations.  I hope that was a joke because if you think that post and string will keep your car from blowing away, you're dumber than the idea of staking it to the ground!  Perhaps a really smart pet untied them-self and tied up the car in their place.  Then left to find a new owner.

Never, never, NEVER tattoo a name or a picture of a current loved one.  There's no guarantee in life and those things are extremely painful to have removed.  

Not to mention your next love might not appreciate staring at your old love during intimate times.  Idiot.

I tell my kids not to put it on Facebook if you wouldn't want your grandparents to see it.  Because inevitably they will.  Did you know colleges and universities now Google and Facebook you before applications are considered?  Needless to say, these aren't Harvard kids.

No.  There is absolutely NO reason for that.  You can't drink from it and it's hideous to look at.  Just stop it!

If you think kids are going to drown in a fountain that doesn't even pool water, then don't have a fountain.  But this sign is just a waste of space, cardboard and ink.

I admit I've done this.  With a bear.  I can say without a doubt, from experience, animals can run much faster than you.  Except maybe a turtle.  Pure stupidity to think they can't stand up fast enough to gore you with an antler or trample you.

Whether that's your sibling or child, you should be aware of what you're doing.  But in the end I will enjoy watching your intervention on Jerry Springer when they're a teenager because you're stupid.  The internet is permanent.

Santas should be tested for alcohol and drugs.  Period.  At least he tried to cover himself with a hat before publicly passing out where children everywhere will be scarred for life.  I for one will throw away my Santa hat and never wear one again.  Ugh!

Whoever told you that you would be perfect for this contest lied. Outright.  Get off the stage.  Immediately.

Your underwear is not on right.  How do you not know this?  AND you dress to show it off.  Go home. You are to wear granny panties until you get it right.

So.  What will we be having with too much beer tonight?  Oh, Billy Bob is cooking up his buddies.  OVER A FIRE.  

That is not a hot tub, it is a tub that is getting hot, and those people are laughing because when you start to burn you will not be able to get out of that tub without flipping it and falling into the fire itself.  


I don't know the occasion, but I'm pretty sure it's not rated "G" and that child will be scarred for life.  Bad, bad, bad parents.

Then there's this:

This is my favorite.  Wife could not figure out how her husband knew she was cheating...  Guess she couldn't afford a hotel room after making her Volvo payment.  I hope she got nothing in the divorce and he framed this photo, blown up, over the mantel...

This is not politically correct to say, but apropos:

I have zero tolerance for stupid people!

LOL: Did You Really Or Are You Just Saying That?

My husband is not very computer savvy.  I'm no genius, but I'm better than him.  So when he was out of town and I tried to Skype him, his microphone wasn't working (because it was turned off).

There's no talking him through that, I just have to fix it when he gets home.

So, we could see each other via the camera, but we had to type our conversation.  I typed something I thought was funny.  He knew that I meant it to be funny and typed "lol".

"No you didn't," I typed.
"What?" he asked.
"You didn't 'lol'", I typed back.
"What are you talking about?" he wonders with his keyboard with a confused face on the screen.
"I can see you!"  I answered.  "You didn't LOL!"

Then he did.

How many times is that term "lol" used every day and how many people actually mean it?  Is it something as a society we just say/type as a quick response to something we care little about?

I guess I'm a little confused.  Maybe I'm just getting old.

I use that term.  As well as "lmao".  When I lmao, it usually draws family members into my office to see what's so funny and then there's "rotf".  Granted, when I rotf, I'm usually just leaning back on the love-seat behind my desk, fallen off my seat, in stitches, but that's close enough.  

If I "lol" that means I actually laughed out loud.  Maybe I just have an easy going laugh, maybe I find a lot of things funnier than others, but I use it when I do it.

If I find it funny, but didn't actually laugh out loud then I'll type "that's funny" or just "funny", "Ha!" (or some variation of that).

So why are we slinging that term like it's an adult pacifier?  Do people use it just to shut someone else up?  To end a conversation?  Does anyone actually laugh any more?

We slaughter the English language so bad that half the time I haven't a clue what someone else is talking about.  As a society, we sound dumb when we don't take the time to type the whole word and nobody can spell anymore.  I forbid my kids to text me with acronyms., it's bad enough I have to text them at all.

That's what "LOL" looks like.  

And for the record:  It's "before" not "B4"; I speak English, not Bingo.

My Zimbio
Top Stories