I don't know if aliens exist. I'm pretty much open to the idea. I mean I've never awakened under a bright light, staring into large eyes with an anal probe. Thank goodness.
If that has happened, then I'm grateful I don't remember, although that could medically explain the concept of hemorrhoids...
Sorry, getting off track.
Ok, I've thought about this a lot and if aliens ever wanted to abduct me, I'm making a list of people to take in my place. People who I feel deserve to be taken off this planet and probed. I don't really care which orifice they explore.
How do I go about this? Do I leave a note by my bedside table every night?
"Dear Experimental Scientist from another world..."
Or how about a plaque above the bed, "Take These People Instead", followed by a list of annoying people. Would Things Remembered engrave that or report me as an escaped lunatic?
It's the perfect way to get rid of your enemies without leaving a trace. No evidence of any kind to link you to their disappearance. The perfect crime.
Hmmm. So how exactly could you get an alien's attention? Oh wait, off track again.
So I'm compiling my list and, no, I won't tell you who's on it because you might be reading this right now. No, not you. The other one.
That way when they come for me, they have names, phone numbers, and addresses of a much wider variety of specimens to poke about.
I like that idea. I may have to get some more paper...