Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Differences In The House (Men Vs. Women)

I'm a Stay-At-Home-Everything.

I cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, make repairs.  I take care of kids, pets, my spouse, and the house & yard.  I make sure cars have gas, bills are paid, projects are done, everyone has everything they need, and everyone feels important.  I am The Master of Mechanical Stuff...

My husband works outside the home.  He does not work in the home.  I have to point this out for many reasons.  I was talking to a friend this morning about making the bed.  He tries to "help" by making the bed occasionally.

He sleeps in that bed every night.  He removes blankets and pillows before getting into bed every night.  Every single freaking night he pulls the throw pillow from his side of the bed off before pulling the covers back and getting into bed!

Why can't he put the bed back together from the way he pulls it apart?

After eighteen years, I'm tired.  I'm tired of scrubbing toilets where boys can't seem to make it inside the rim.  I'm tired of scrubbing dried ketchup off plates because nobody is capable of rinsing, but instead they just leave the plate on the counter.  I'm tired of looking for the matching sock because someone didn't bother to bend over and pick it up from the corner of the bed before bringing laundry to the basket.

I'm really tired of the trash sitting on the counter directly above the trash can.

What I really hate the most is when I'm working myself into a frenzy trying to clean and cook at the same time and people are laying around watching TV.  Makes me want to go into a rage.

(crash) "What was that?!?" I ask.
"What was what?" is always his reply.
"Never mind. Bear are you OK?"  I not only know where, I know who.  

Wait a minute, where's the cat...?

"Where's my...?"  Under the duffle in the closet.
"Have you seen...?"  Hanging on the hook on the back of the door.
"I can't find..."  It's sitting right there on the foot of the stairs.
"Moooooooooommmm..."  (sigh)

Maybe I did it to myself, because I got tired of my clothes being ruined in the wash and do it myself.  Maybe because I have to re-make the bed after he tries to help.  Maybe because I have to re-wash or re-load the dishwasher, everyone just stopped trying, but how the Hell do they not see how it was when the reached for it in the first place?!?

Last year, after all these years, I took a mom-cation.  I went to the beach.  Alone.  I wanted to sleep and enjoy the peace of not having to do anything.  Sleep with the door open and smelling the salty air, watch the dolphins, watch the sun rise, eat what I wanted to eat...

My phone rang the whole time: texts, calls, and problems.  

That's my lot in life.  I am not a trophy wife, but if you want me to be one, then I need a household staff or you better like my curves.  In my next life, I want to be the man!

Right now, I want some more coffee.

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