Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Fear Of Tragedy With Age

It seems my friends are always sharing their new fears that are cropping up lately.  Nothing so silly as a zombie apocalypse.  Even my husband has these irrational thoughts about fiery car crashes on the way to work or the cats eating him while he sleeps.

I understand fear after suffering a tragedy of it repeating itself.  Like not wanting to fly after 9-11, or not wanting to drive after a car accident.  I even have fears of death when I get a cramp in a body part because I suffered multiple blood clots that were overlooked and nearly killed me.

Where does this stem from?  As we get older does our mortality seem more real than when we are young?  And some of the fears people share seem ridiculous to me.

I was invincible in my twenties.  Looking back I wonder what I could possibly have been thinking.  I poked Death in the eyes quite a few times and laughed.

Now I wear a bubble suit in my own house.  Granted, I did fall off a chair and break my neck a couple of years ago.

I don't stand on chairs any more.

I watch the whites of peoples eyes grow on take-off, white knuckled on the arm rest.  I watch people double-check seat belts.  I also notice the jump if you accidentally sneak up on someone or how fast a head turns down a dark street at a noise.

Perhaps becoming parents has us afraid of leaving our children alone? I fear for my oldest son because he has special needs and who would take care of him properly?

Sometimes I think it's purely life passing us so fast that we're afraid to miss out on anything, that desire to do more, the mid-life sports car...

I try to tell everyone that when we hit 40, that's the halfway point.  Meaning the hard part is over and it's all down hill and easy from here.

I think I made it worse...

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