Friday, September 21, 2012

Just Give Me The Pill and Nobody Gets Hurt

I hate to diet and exercise.  Hate, hate, HATE it.  Every time I go see my doctor I start in with, "Come on, Doc!  I know there's a pill to help me lose weight.  GIVE IT TO ME!!"

He still denies it.  "You're just going to have to keep exercising and eating right."


Yep, tried the shakes, the points, the books, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, and even those over the counter pills.  Well, I refused to try the ones that promised weight loss along with "oily flatulence".  Eww, pass.  The over the counter, non phen-phen pills bruised my heart and gave me some nice problems for the rest of my life.  Too include an over-sized heart and blood cells that are too few and too large.  Big mistake.

I've skipped sodas and stuck to water, tried the all protein, the 4-1 protein to carb, the gym, the all soup, ever popular the starvation, skipped the anorexia, and nothing helps.

Ok, so I have a thing for sweets, is that my fault?  I mean I work off the calories I take in, but still I gain weight.  Now my thyroid stopped and I'm in early menopause?  I try, I really do, but I've had near collisions swerving into Dunkin Donuts and I swear Ben & Jerry puts crack in those little tubs.  And don't think it's better because it's in a tiny tub either!  They manage to take out half the ice cream and double the caloric intake while adding that addictive agent that would make tobacco companies proud...

So COME ON, and give me that magic pill that will make the weight fall off.  I'll still diet and exercise, just not as vigilantly.  Otherwise someone might get hurt the next time I'm forced to wait in line for a sugary snack and having flashbacks of the scale's readout.

This morning it registered, "GET OFF!  You're hurting me."

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