Wednesday, May 15, 2013

My Day As The Messiah

If Jesus is the Son of God (*Luke 22:70)...

And we're all God's children (*Colossians 1:16)...

How come I'm not the Messiah?  I mean, since menopause kicked in, I can grow a pretty good beard and the robe looks comfy enough.  Not to keen on the sandals, though.

I wouldn't waste my time raising the dead, walking on water or trying to cure people of illness.  I would just make a few changes.

Like going back in time and slapping the Church for burning the learned at the stake.  Maybe we could have cured all diseases by now.

I could also share the wealth of the church for the poor (*Matthew 19:21).  Did you know the bulk of the wealth in Vatican City came from seizing the Templars treasure before assassinating them or that the Church ran brothels in the Middle Ages?

I mean in reality I'd probably spend my day doing ridiculous stuff like break dancing or talking to animals since I can't seem to do either, but who knows.  Maybe I could walk around slapping the stupid out of people.  It could be fun.

Let's make it like jury duty.  Can I be notified when it's my turn?

Sure, today I could have talked about Anjelina Jolie's mastectomy, the IRS breaking the law, Alaska's volcanoes spewing lava, Longmire's return to A&E, South Carolina's being sued for cutting off the wrong part on a hermaphrodite, or the heat in the upper Midwest, but where's the fun in that?

*There are many references for my silliness in The Bible, I just used a few.

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