Disney Left Me With Unrealistic Expectations

I just adore Disney, I watch the animated movies over and over again.  I also sing along.  But they don't really teach a girl reality.  It took me until now to realize this, but the truth has left me bereft.

Animals don't help me get dressed.  They don't sew me pretty dresses or help me clean.  I've never been carried by a dolphin and I've never had a lute playing rooster.  In fact, roosters are pretty mean.

Usually when I talk to an animal it either runs away, attacks like a rabid rhesus monkey, or looks at me like I need to be institutionalized.  Actually I was attacked by a chicken once trying to talk to it and it pecked me to the point of developing a phobia about barnyard fowl.  

My cat used to put a paw over my mouth to shut me up.  True story.

Pocahontas is a beautiful, sexy girl having an affair with an older, handsome man.  Wasn't she like twelve?  Probably frowned upon.  I'm pretty sure that's called statutory rape.

I have rubbed, polished, and stroked (to the point of being a little creepy) every lamp I've ever found and no genie has ever popped out and granted me wishes.  I've also thrown countless coins into numerous wells only to learn I no longer had enough money for the ice cream truck and those coins are corroded and probably poisoning someone's water supply.  Sorry about that.

I don't care how well I clean up.  A handsome, rich prince on a steed and/or with a castle is not coming to sweep me off my feet.  They certainly don't hang out at Walmart, wouldn't care to hold my dry, over-worked hands, and no matter how well I sing, I will never have a sparkly diamond crown on my head unless I win the lottery.  

He'd probably be a jerk anyway. 

I do have a rhinestone tiara and a lot of alone time, though...

Being a rebel and running away to seek what you want and get away from your too-mean parents that don't understand you, doesn't get you your true love.  Fact.  You aren't smiled upon with parental love and respect because you've stood up for what you want in life.  You're reprimanded, grounded.  

And where were those stupid animals that were supposed to help you?  Somewhere in the woods avoiding the crazy lady with the rhinestone tiara on her head!

And I'll tell you something else while I'm at it; no Jamaican-accented crab is going to rally the sea troops to help make that non-existent prince kiss you either.

When you grow up, you realize that your Happy Ending isn't what you dreamed it would be.  There is no gold gilded carriage.  It doesn't mean you can't be happy, but I woke up next to Goofy instead of Prince Charming and I'm pretty sure my husband will never ride a horse, carry me into the sunset, or have an animal band playing exit music in some exotic locale.  

I will never be transformed into a beauty to be envied and no Fairy Godmother will sprinkle sparkly things over my head and make my problems go away.

I do have laughter and I can still escape into my animated dreams wearing my almost-a-Princess tiara!

Robert Redford & "The Company You Keep"

I am sick and tired of the ridiculous posts I'm seeing on the internet about how Robert Redford and the other stars in his latest movie are "all about" home-grown terrorism.

Let me tell you something straight away:  I did some pretty stupid shit was I was young.  I thought I was right to be doing it, too.  To this day I stand behind my beliefs back then, in the context of it being when it was.  Not now.  Now I look back and think I was an idiot.  Back then I was living like The Legend of Billie Jean!

Sometimes I reflect and think, "Oooof!  What was I thinking?!?"

Let's face it, even Disney promotes illegal activities for a good cause. In Lady & The Tramp, when the dog catcher is bested and the dogs are freed...well, that's not always a good thing.  I want to free caged animals, but the reality is they could be sick or not fixed going on to breed more strays.  The negative possibilities are endless, but in the end, adoption is the best hope.

**Spread the word, adopt your pet, don't pay a breeder, they'll love you more.

Let's stick with the safety of Disney for a moment.

Pocahontas.  Beautiful, sexy Pocahontas.  A wonderful tale of love, but in reality, wasn't she like twelve?  I'm pretty sure that's considered statutory rape in every state now.

I won't even get into how running away and rebellion, while trying to get a grown man to make out with you when you're 16, leads to getting everything you want, Ariel.  (Little Mermaid)

I'm going with the benign because the truth is we have passions about what we believe is right what we believe to be true in our hearts with hope that we can make a difference.

And everyone is different.

What are these people even protesting?  "End War.  End Poverty.  Peace.  Clergy"

Wait.  What?  Clergy?

The 1960's and early '70's were all about war protests, veterans were treated like garbage, and now they are heroes.  Thank you for that (as a veteran and married to a military man).

And drugs.  There was a lot of drugs back then.

Women's Rights?  One of the largest protests of the suffrage movement happened the day before Woodrow Wilson was to be inaugurated as President in 1913. Between 5,000 to 8,000 suffragists marched down Pennsylvania Avenue, past the White House. It's not a "million men", but that was a lot back then.  Organizers had secured a permit to march, however, many protesters were assaulted by those in the crowd who opposed the women's right-to-vote campaign.

Those women fought back.  Violence ensued.  If they hadn't, I might be jailed for writing this.

So When Redford said he believed in the cause back then.  He did.  He believed to instill change you had to do something radical.  They all did back then.

Does he now?  No, it's just a part of passionate history that he was a part of a long time ago.

So stop bashing him on your twisted extremists sites and watch the video.  Nobody, especially Robert Redford and the actors in this movie, condone what happened in Boston recently.  Nobody is demoralizing the recent tragedy and most reviews of the movie came out before the attack.

I was not Billie Jean, but I sure felt like it, and I look back sort of fondly on my youthful exuberance.  At the same time if I caught my kids acting like that I'd bring back corporal punishment in a heartbeat!  So don't judge on half-truths.


The truth shall set you free and closed minds taking things out of context only leads to more hate and lies.