So I had been working out pretty hard and had a pulled muscle in my calf. Man did it hurt! Like getting kicked by a horse with spiked shoes. Day 3: I woke up writhing in pain in the middle of the night.
Day 4: I was telling someone about this ridiculous pain and now awkward limp when the light bulb (more like stadium lights) went off over my head.
I went to the ER and sure enough, my experience with a past blood clot confirmed I had another, twelve years later. It's three inches long and....well, I sort of blacked out at this point. Then something about painkillers, self-injections and they started me on some right then and there.
I don't care what the medical journals say, I can tell you that I have taken these painkillers every four hours for the past 29 days and I've had no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. Another government cover-up! The fact that I usually lose my train of thought mid-sentence has more to do with the drones that the medications, I'm sure of it!
But that's a whole other.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Huh? Where was I?
Oh! The nurse then told me no shaving for six months.
That perked me up, "I'm sorry, did you say no shaving?"
"Yes." she said stoically, like I asked her the time.
"For six months?"
"Yes." A little more irritable now.
Then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Not shaving for me would be like....
Remember Merida? The Scottish Princess from Disney's "Brave"? That's what my hair looks like. Waist length and looks like I stuck my finger in a socket while wet. Which I may have done, I don't really remember. Because blood clots hurt and I deserve to feel (nothing) better!
Blood clots form for a few different reasons.
You sit immobile for extended periods of time. I recommend if you're on a flight to yell "Hallelujah!" really loud, speak in tongues and dance down the aisle. The drink cart will move out of your way, but if you get tased, have your limbs zip-tied, then you will get a clot and die anyway, but you might as well go out having fun.
You recently had surgery...this goes back to being immobile, in which case, instruct your relatives to sue on your behalf.
Laziness. Watch a lot of TV? Afraid of leaving the house (agoraphobia)? Then stay active cleaning and re-cleaning or you'll get a clot.
It could be in your genes, or your birth control pill, but either way, you'll get a clot.
The important thing to remember is 30% of people diagnosed with a clot die within the first 30 days. That's a statistical fact fro the CDC. Which means 30% of the people who know they have a have a clot and are being treated will still not make it...
Good thing I feel nothing. When it comes to narcotics, good advice is medicate freely. After all, pills solve all of life's problems or they would be advertised at every commercial break.
Wait, what was I talking about? (yawn)
Shaving.
I am almost six foot tall. Not shaped like a telephone pole. Auurn hair, curly and natural. I have to shave my legs twice a day or I start collecting dust bunnies, pet hair, or anything else that will stick to the velcro growing on my legs.
Married women and very single women don't shave in winter. I do. I shave twice a day every day. I have to. If I spent six months without shaving I'd look like a Yeti. Why a Yeti and not Sasquatch? Because Yetis are supposed to have reddish hair.
Villagers would chase me with pitchforks. The National Enquirer would have cover shots of me through my window. Children would run in fear as rednecks hunted me.... Hey! You haven't seen my legs so you don't know! Maybe I'm more like Gossamer, remember the giant red bundle of hair with tennis shoes from Bugs Bunny?
ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh?
Then....they sent me home from the ER, but gave me injections (Lovenox) I had to give myself twice a day. This fourteen inch needle with a jagged edge and filled with acid had to be injected into my stomach twice a day. By myself as my family cowered in another room. Wimps.
I have to take Warfarin (Coumadin) daily. This is an anticoagulation drug, more commonly known as a blood thinner. It's a medication that was brought onto the market originally as rat poison. So the conspiracy theories about doctors trying to kill of the population is true. Just saying.
This medication thins the blood to a degree that they say if I knick myself shaving I'll bleed to death. I have to tell you, I'll risk it (see above photo). Worth it. If you have a DVT, the universal balance is not tipped in your favor and you know why. I suggest you right a few wrongs. Maybe just get out of bed. Your call.
I have a DVT, and it's awful. I have pain, bedridden, pain, constantly cranky, and, um, pain. I
also have a ham where my ankle used to be.
If my clot breaks off and travels to my lungs (pulmonary embolism), this blog also
serves as my living will. I want to be stuffed in the iconic grizzly pose and placed in the corner of the living room where I will scare the crap out of my husband until the end of days.
Put me on a wheeled base so I can travel from room to room. And no hats & Hawaiian shirts either!
Now if you excuse me, I think I need another nap!
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