At least a dozen times a day I ask aloud, "Seriously?"
I don't know what happened to the world in the Land of Smart Phones and Stupid People, but I'm really sick of it. Cashiers can't make change. If your bill is $7.52, give them $10.02 and watch the confusion come over their face. I often get, "It's SEVEN FIFTY-TWO..."
Yeah, speaking louder doesn't make you seem like less of an idiot and I don't want a pocket full of change when I can have two quarters instead. Seriously?
When my son was born, I made it abundantly clear we would not talk in baby talk to him. Why learn two languages when he can learn our native tongue of English? By two he was building a ravine for his trains, by five he was playing along with Jeopardy, and beating me.
He was diagnosed as autistic when a neurologist (in baby-speak) asked, "Uh... can you touch your nose? Can you? Can you touch it?" My son was a year and a half and looked at me like the doctor was a moron and we walked out. Yes, he can touch his nose. He can also speak normally and was doing basic math. Seriously?
Parents don't parent any more. Stop medicating your kids for ADD or ADHD! They don't have problems, they're kids. They have more energy than us, they learn by touching, doing, exploring.
And stop with the not-my-child attitude. Yes, your child. I love my kid, but if he does wrong, he pays the price, I don't buy him a new video game because "he must be feeling unloved". Seriously? He's testing me and he lost, so he'll pay the price.
How about the new labels on things?
Don't eat the new dishwasher tablets.
Don't use bleach containers as drink containers.
Don't climb over the fences in a zoo, because you may be eaten.
Never iron clothes while wearing them.
Viagra is not for newborns. WHAT??
Microwave not to be used for drying pets.
Egg carton: Allergy advice, contains egg.
Do not hold the wrong end of a chain saw. (with photo in case you don't know which end is the wrong end)
My favorite: Warning, these peanuts may contain peanuts or peanut by-products. Seriously?
Sadly, some idiot had to have done these things to warrant a label. What would possess a person to do these things?
I have to give myself pep talks before leaving the house, do a little meditating, then keep my head down and plow through the crowds so I don't hurt people. I should come with a warning label.
Warning: I will slap you without prior notice if you lack common sense.